Scripture Reading
Honor your father and your mother that your days may be long upon the land which the Lord your God is giving you.
(Exodus 20:12)Children, obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right. Honor your father and mother, which is the first commandment with promise, that it may be well with you, and you may live long on the earth. And you, fathers, do not provoke your children to wrath, but bring them up in the training and admonition of the Lord.
Bondservants, be obedient to those who are your masters according to the flesh, with fear and trembling, in sincerity of heart, as to Christ, not with eye service as men-pleasers, but as bondservants of Christ, doing the will of God from the heart with goodwill, doing service as to the Lord and not to men, knowing that whatever good anyone does, he will receive the same from the Lord, whether he is slave or free.
And you masters do the same things to them, giving up threatening, knowing that your own master also is in heaven and there is no partiality with him.
(Ephesians 6:1–9)
Opening Prayer
O gracious God and Heavenly Father, we do rejoice and give thanks for, again, the opportunity that we have to come before you to study your word. And we thank you for these passages before us, for this particular commandment, the fifth commandment that we’re looking at this morning.
And Father, we just pray that you would by your spirit give us understanding help us see the truth that is here help us to see all that is entailed in this in this commandment and that by your spirit leading us guiding us we would be able to apply those these principles in our own lives that in honoring those in authority over us, we ultimately would bring glory and honor to your holy name.
And so we pray, Father, for your blessing upon your word. In the name of the Lord Jesus Christ, we pray. Amen.
Introduction: We Are All Children
Well, one of the things that all people everywhere have in common is that we are all children. Not necessarily children as to age, but in the reality of our relationships.
You see, if you were born, and I’m pretty sure all of you were born. Well, then you’re someone’s child. And we know that every child has parents, a father and a mother. It’s really an inescapable truth that all descended from our first parents, Adam and Eve, through ordinary generation are children with parents who then often have children and then become parents. And of course, this continues until the end of the age when Christ returns. And so, yes, we are all children.
And this is important for us to keep in mind because as we consider the fifth commandment this morning, we often only think of it applying to children under the age of 18 still living at home. But as we’ll see, the fifth commandment applies to everyone by virtue of our existence in this world.
The Scope of the Fifth Commandment
But there’s also application through this commandment beyond the familial relationship as we see in the scriptures as we know that the commandments are often expanded going beyond the simple letter of the law and capturing the full spirit as it’s applied to a variety of other relationships and in other situations.
But at its heart, the fifth commandment is focused on giving honor in any relationship where one is under authority. And as we see here in Ephesians 6, it even applies in reverse, so to speak. That is, the duties and responsibility that those in authority have to those who are placed under them.
And so Paul begins with this very simple instruction in verse one, children obey your parents in the Lord. And then he goes on to cite the fifth commandment, emphasizing the promise in verses two and three saying, honor your father and mother, which is the first commandment with promise, that it may be well with you and you may live long on the earth.
“The First Commandment with Promise”
Now we’re going to consider this promise shortly, as well as the application of the command. But I want us to first consider what Paul says here about the commandment in relation to the promise. He says here, which is the first commandment with promise.
Now, if we quickly give a careful reading of the Ten Commandments, you’ll quickly see that the fifth commandment is actually not the very first commandment as they chronologically appear that has a promise. Indeed, technically, it’s the third commandment with promise.
There’s a promise of cursing and blessing attached to the second commandment against idolatry and false worship, where the Lord says visiting that he promises to visit the iniquity of the fathers on the children to the third and fourth generation of those who hate me, but showing mercy to thousands to those who love me and keep my commandments.
And there’s also promise of God’s justice in relation to the third commandment against those who would take the name of the Lord in vain. The Lord says, the Lord, and he promises he will not hold him guiltless who takes his name in vain. Again, promising that they will be brought to justice.
But we remember that the first four commandments make up what’s often referred to as the first table of the law, which is our duty to God and his worship, or as we find summed up in the New Testament, how we’re to love the Lord our God with all our heart, soul, mind, and strength.
But with the fifth commandment, we begin to get into the second table of the law, which is our duty to one another, or again, how we’re to love our neighbors as ourselves.
And so what Paul states here is true. The fifth commandment is the first and really the only commandment of the second table that has a promise attached to it.
Why the Fifth Commandment Is Foundational
But Paul’s words are true in another sense as well. For the fifth commandment isn’t just the first of the second table chronologically, but it’s also first or foremost in priority.
That is, the fifth commandment is foundational to the rest of the second table commandments.
We noted before that the second table emphasizes how we’re to love our neighbors as ourselves, right? That’s the summary of that second table, is loving our neighbors as ourselves.
Well, when we’re born, our parents are our very first and closest neighbors. And since the family unit is the foundation of all the rest of society, well then how we live and relate in the family will often have implications on how we live and relate in the broader society.
And so this is what leads to the expansion of the fifth commandment to all the various relationships or spheres of life.
Indeed, we see Paul making this connection in Ephesians 6 as he begins with the relationship between children and parents. And then he moves to the parent-child relationship and charging fathers to not provoke their children to anger.
But Paul doesn’t stop there. He goes on to apply the same dynamic in the principles to the relationship between slaves and masters, saying slaves ought to serve their masters as they seek to ultimately please the Lord, and masters ought to treat their slaves with kindness and respect.
Well, today we can easily, we know, apply this to maybe the employer-employee relationship or even student-teacher relationship. And as we’ll see, this is expanded further in other places in the New Testament, in our duty and the relationship with the civil magistrate, between rulers and citizens, and also the relationships within the structure of the church, between officers and members of the church.
And so our duties and obligations in all these different relationships are rooted in the fifth commandment, because without the parent-child relationship and the family relationship, then we wouldn’t have all these other institutions and relationships.
And so the fifth commandment is the foremost commandment of the second table. Again, since the parent-child familial relationship is really the basis of all the other societal relationships. And certainly then, the fifth commandment is not just for children.
The Fifth Commandment as a Bridge to the First Table
But there’s still one other important point we need to understand regarding this foremost commandment. Not only does it expand out into all different spheres of societal relationships, but it also points us upward to the relationship we have with the supreme authority in our lives, the one true living God.
Indeed, the fifth commandment really then serves as a bridge between these two tables of the law.
Because we can’t love our neighbors as ourselves truly and sincerely if we don’t first love the Lord our God with our heart, soul, mind, and strength.
And of course, after loving the Lord first, our first neighbors we’re called to love is our parents. And then again, everything else, all the other relationships flow from that very basic relationship.
Well, just as marriage then is a picture of Christ’s love for his church, so too the parent-child relationship is intended to be a picture of our relationship with God, who is our Heavenly Father.
And this is true in a general sense, really for all people, because God is our Creator. And so, for example, he’s the father of all humanity.
The Apostle Paul argues this in Athens. In Acts 17, he says,
for in him, that is in the Lord, we live and move and have our being, as also some of your own poets have said, for we also are his offspring.
And so in a very general way, all people everywhere are children of God.
But we know for believers in Christ, that the Heavenly Father-Child relationship is very true in a very real, in a very personal, in a very special way.
And Paul talks about this in Romans 8 saying,
but you receive the spirit of adoption by whom we cry out, Abba, Father. The Spirit Himself bears witness with our spirit that we are children of God.
Because of what Jesus Christ has done for us. We are children of God.
It is another inescapable truth. God created us and he placed each and every one of us in a parent-child relationship, as well as all the other superior and inferior relationships that we might be in, so that we’re reminded in all these relationships, we’re constantly reminded that we always have someone over us to whom we’re accountable and to whom we must obey.
Not just the earthly authorities in our lives, but ultimately we’re under the authority of our Heavenly Father and Creator.
We further draw this truth from the fact that all authority in heaven and on earth is God’s authority and has been appointed or delegated by Him.
Paul charges in Romans 13 saying,
Let every soul be subject to the governing authorities, for there is no authority except from God, and the authorities that exist are appointed by God. Therefore, whoever resists the authority resists the ordinance of God.
And so then, when we give due honor and obedience to these earthly authorities, we’re giving our foremost honor and obedience to the Lord God, who is our Heavenly Father.
We see this in how Paul ties the Lord to all these related commands stemming from the fifth commandment here in Ephesians chapter 6. For example,
- in verse 4, he says, bring them up in the training and admonition of the Lord.
- in verse 5, with fear and trembling and sincerity of heart as to Christ… as bondservants of Christ, doing the will of God from the heart with goodwill, doing service as to the Lord and not to men.
- in verse 9, knowing that your own master also is in heaven and there is no partiality with him.
Now however imperfect our relationships may be with our parents or others in authority over us, the design of those relationships is ultimately to point us toward the perfect Heavenly Father. To point us toward the One who gives us life. To the One who watches over us. Even to the One who has the very hairs of our head numbered and He so cares for us.
And these relationships then remind us that because God is our Father, He is our Creator, well then we owe Him the honor that is due to His name alone.
The Promise Attached to the Fifth Commandment
With this understanding of the prominence then of the 5th commandment, we come to the promise that’s attached.
And we see this in Ephesians 6 verse 3,
that it may be well with you and that you may live long on the earth.
Now there are two key parts to this promise. There’s long life and prosperity.
1. Long Life
First, if every generation honors their parents and all other authorities, then they’ll be taken care of. Their days will be lengthened as they learn to live at peace with all men.
Now we know, for the nation of Israel in the Old Testament, that this commandment was enforced rather dramatically.
In Deuteronomy 21, we read this, that stubborn and rebellious children, who refuse to obey the voice of his father or the voice of his mother, and who, when they have chastened him, will not heed them, were then to put to death, as all the men of the city shall stone him to death with stones.
And so for Israel, in the Old Testament, disobedience to parents meant a literal life cut short.
And though those civil penalties no longer apply to us today, we know that a stubborn and rebellious child who doesn’t heed their parents’ voice will often go on to live a life marked by stubbornness and rebellion that’s eventually going to get him in trouble with other authorities in his life, leading to a life of misery and grief, if not, ultimately, even ending in death.
And so obedience, at least in most cases, truly leads to life.
2. Prosperity
Now the wording of the commandment as it’s given in Exodus 20 implies the blessing and the prosperity of the promise land.
And so Exodus 20 verse 12,
that your days may be long upon the land, which the Lord, your God is giving you.
And so we remember that God gave Israel land flowing with milk and honey and that this was to be their prosperity, to be their inheritance.
And God’s command was simple. If you obey, you’ll prosper. But if you disobey, you’ll lose that inheritance. And as we know in biblical history, that’s exactly what happened.
Now, from a practical perspective for us, the promised prosperity might look something like this.
If we live our lives giving due honor and obedience to our parents, well, they may grant us an inheritance. And that’s a good thing. We will be prosperous.
But if we’re stubborn and rebellious, well, it’s possible our parents might just cut us out of their will.
And of course, applying the command and promise in reverse we know that parents who raise their children well in the fear and admonition of the Lord are more likely to have their children care for them in their old age, as opposed to those who may mistreat their children and provoke them, and then their children scatter from them, not wanting to have anything to do with them.
And so the promised blessings work both ways.
But we ought not to think that prosperity and long life are guaranteed material blessings that we receive.
Because we know there are many obedient children who are left no inheritance because their parents were poor, or because they themselves may have their lives cut short for any number of reasons through no fault of their own.
As we’ve seen, the ultimate fulfillment of the command is giving due honor to the Lord in all the relationships of life.
And as we serve the Lord in and through faith in Jesus Christ, we are guaranteed the promise of eternal life and untold prosperity of a spiritual and heavenly nature as we are there in the fullness of God’s glorious presence forever and ever.
So that the promise of the 5th commandment points us to the Lord alone as our life and prosperity.
Application of the Fifth Commandment (Westminster Shorter Catechism)
And so as we understand the ultimate focus and eternal promise of the 5th commandment, well, how do we then apply it to our relationships in all these various spheres of life?
Now here, the Westminster Shorter Catechism helps us to maybe map this application out a bit.
The question is, you know, what is required in the fifth commandment?
And the answer is this,
the fifth commandment requires the preserving the honor and performing the duties belonging to everyone in their several places and relations as superiors, inferiors, or equals.
Well, there are four places and three categories of relations that require us to give honor and respective duties.
1. The Family
The first place is the family.
And the first relation in the family is what’s most clearly stated in the commandment, that honor and duty that children owe to parents.
Now to honor essentially means to give due respect.
And one of the chief ways we show respect is by listening and paying attention to what we’re told and doing what we’re given to do.
And Paul says this rather directly in Ephesians 6:1,
children obey your parents in the Lord for this is right.
And there are numerous other scriptural commands to this effect.
You fulfill the requirement of the fifth commandment and ultimately serve and glorify God by doing what your parents ask of you when they ask you. And your parents shouldn’t have to repeat themselves to you. And so you should pay attention to what they say and obey.
Your parents have been entrusted with a duty and a responsibility to raise you in the fear and the admonition of the Lord, to give you an example of faith and godliness.
And when you obey, you honor your parents. But again, ultimately you honor the Lord.
But as Paul draws out here in verse four, the commandment applies in reverse in the relation of superiors to inferiors, so parents to children.
He says,
fathers, do not provoke your children to wrath, but bring them up in the training and admonition of the Lord.
And so built into honoring parents is the idea that parents should give honor and respect to their children, even setting before their children an example of the golden rule.
And so if you want your children to honor you, well, you should not only be honorable, but you should be honoring.
And the chief way to give honor to our children is not only by not exasperating them and provoking them to anger, but by teaching, correcting, and admonishing them in the way of the Lord.
And so discipline, though we know is often unpleasant, is a demonstration of a parent’s love for their children, even as God, our Heavenly Father, shows His love to us when He chastises us for sin, because He desires us to be more like His only begotten Son, Jesus Christ.
With a third relation within the place of the family that falls under this commandment, would be relationships with equals. And so this would be your siblings.
Yes, children, you must honor and give honor to your brothers and to your sisters.
Now you can do this most effectively by
- looking out for each other,
- treating one another kindly,
- and by encouraging one another to seek the Lord in all things.
2. Work and Education (Masters & Servants)
Now when Paul, and so this is the kind of maybe the primary understanding of this sphere is having to do with the family.
But when Paul speaks here in verses 5 to 8 of masters and servants, we can easily apply this to our work or jobs or even in our education.
And so we think of employer-employee and co-worker relationships as well as teacher-student and classmate relationships.
Paul charges here,
Be obedient to those who are your masters according to the flesh, with fear, and trembling, and sincerity of heart, as to Christ, not with eye service, as men-pleasers, but as bond-servants of Christ, doing the will of God from the heart, with good will doing service, as to the Lord, and not to men, knowing that whatever good anyone does, he will receive the same from the Lord, whether he is a slave or free.
Such obedience and honor is demonstrated in
- being diligent in doing our jobs,
- showing up on time,
- and showing up at the times that you’re scheduled to work,
- not being late,
- not being lazy while you’re at work,
- being focused on what you’re supposed to be doing and not distracted by other things.
All the while knowing that the promise attached to the commandment applies here as well.
Because if you don’t honor your employer and you don’t do the work that’s required of you, well, what’s going to happen? You’re not going to get paid. You’ll maybe even get fired. And if you’re a student, it could mean you fail the class and you don’t graduate. Well, neither of those results will lead to a very prosperous life.
And so viewing the commandment in reverse, we see in verse 9,
and you masters do the same things to them, giving up threatening, knowing that your own master also is in heaven, and there’s no partiality with him.
And so if you’re an employer or a teacher, when the fifth commandment requires you to
- treat your employees or students well,
- to not be harsh or critical of them,
- to not show favoritism,
- but to treat all equally,
keeping in mind that by doing so, you’re serving your Lord and Master in heaven, to whom you must give an account.
And then of course, for coworkers and classmate relationships, the commandment means that you treat one another kindly and respectfully, that you shun office politics, you keep yourselves above the gossip at the water cooler. In essence, keeping in mind the golden rule to treat others as you would have them treat you.
3. Civil Authorities
This third place the commandment applies is in our relationships to civil authorities.
And so here we have elected officials and judges and maybe law enforcement we could throw in there.
Well, here we have the Apostle Peter, 1 Peter 2 says this,
therefore submit yourselves to every ordinance of man for the Lord’s sake. whether to the king as supreme or to the governors, as to those who are sent by him for the punishment of evildoers, and for the praise of those who do good. For this is the will of God, that by doing good you may put to silence the ignorance of foolish men.
What we see here, first of all, that honoring and respecting civil authorities is actually a way for us to be a witness to the transforming power of the gospel.
You see, because it’s difficult for sinful man to be subject to other sinful men. Because it’s by our nature we’re defiant and rebellious. We want to be our own king. We want to be our own ruler.
But the fifth commandment calls us to
- honor and respect the authority of rulers,
- to pray for them,
- to remember that God is the one who’s put them in authority over us,
- and that to rebel against them, to withhold taxes to whom taxes are due, and to withhold honor to whom honor is due, ultimately dishonors the Lord, who is the King of kings and the Lord of lords.
Likewise, in reverse, civil rulers and authorities ought to recognize that their authority comes from God, and that even they themselves are under His authority.
And so they would do well then to carry out their duty to be His servants for good, to uphold what is good, right, and just and to not carry the sword in vain, but to execute wrath on those who do evil, so that peace and prosperity might reign throughout the land, according to the promise given in the fifth commandment.
4. The Church
Then a final sphere where this commandment applies is in the church.
In the relationship between
- members to officers,
- officers to members,
- and of course members to fellow members.
Now regarding honor due to officers in the church, the scriptures are clear. 1 Timothy 5:17,
let the elders who rule well be counted worthy of double honor, especially those who labor in the word and doctrine.
Paul reminds us in Ephesians that the officers of the church are given to the church as gifts, yet gifts who’ve been entrusted with a weighty duty to shepherd the flock of God and to do so with all humility, not as lords as the Gentiles do, but rather as examples to the flock, examples of godliness and righteousness and truth, teaching, guiding, correcting, serving in and through love as Christ has called and ordained them to do.
And from members to fellow members. Again, the fifth commandment is fulfilled when you fulfill the one another commands, right?
- Serve one another,
- pray for one another,
- encourage one another,
- love one another
as the body of Christ, giving all glory and honor to him in your duty and service.
Conclusion: Whom Do We Ultimately Serve?
And چنان, beloved of God, this is how we honor the Lord, by honoring our parents and those in authority over us in every sphere of life.
Again, what Paul says here in Ephesians 6 verse 6,
not with eye service, as men pleasers… but as bondservants of Christ… doing the will of God from the heart with goodwill doing service as to the Lord and not to man.
We ultimately serve the Lord. We don’t serve man.
knowing that whatever good anyone does, he will receive the same from the Lord.
This is the teaching of the fifth commandment and the challenge of the fifth commandment.
An Important Exception
But before we close, it’s important that when speaking about the duty required in the fifth commandment to obey those in authority over us, we must keep in mind both an important exception as well as a certain difficulty that’s likely to come up.
The exception has to do with the extent of the authority over us by fellow fallen human beings. And that exception is that that authority is not absolute.
In other words, our duty and obedience to man isn’t an absolute blind obedience in that we must obey every single command that we’re given.
Now before you run away and rebel against lawful orders given by those in authority that you simply don’t like, remember that the exception to the command applies in only one particular situation.
Following the example of the apostles in Acts 5, if you’re asked or commanded by those in authority over you, whether it’s your parents, or your teachers, or your employer, or the civil magistrate, if you’re asked to do something that’s in clear violation of God’s revealed will, that is the commands in his word, well then you are under no obligation to obey.
Acts 5:29,
you ought to obey God rather than men.
And this is a costly exception. And many faithful believers have lost their lives for taking this exception.
But we’re reminded that our supreme allegiance belongs to the Lord and to the Lord alone, and that His law is the standard and measure against all the laws of man.
We cannot disobey the Lord in order to obey man.
And so this is the only exception to the fifth commandment.
The Difficulty of Evil Authorities
And what about the difficulty?
The difficulty comes about in those situations when we may struggle to honor and respect our parents and others in authority over us because they fail and fail miserably at the duties required of them in the fifth commandment, and may even inflict great harm upon those under them, whether it’s spiritual, emotional, even physical harm.
And they do this because they’ve given themselves over to evil, even seeking to destroy those who are entrusted to their care.
Yes, there are evil elders in the church. There are evil employers. There are evil civil leaders. And yes, there are even evil parents. Wicked people who destroy and harm those entrusted to their care.
And so how are we then to fulfill this commandment when faced with evil and abusive authorities in our lives?
Well, there are at least three ways or at least three considerations that we can look to and really rely on through the all-sufficient grace and strength that God provides because we certainly will need it.
- We can still give due honor and respect to the position even though we may struggle with the person holding that position.
And this would mean that we do obey lawful duties and commands. And we would strive to do what we can to preserve their life and their honor. Refraining from gossiping about them, not provoking them, and certainly not lashing out at them with the same anger and rage that they may send out our way.
And here we’re reminded of David being pursued by King Saul. Saul was unjustly seeking after David, trying to kill him. And yet David committed himself to not lifting up his hand against the Lord’s anointed… And when Saul died, David respectfully mourned the loss of the king. - We remember that even if our parents and those in authority over us have made themselves our enemies, well, we are never excused from the command that Jesus gives. In Luke 6, where he says,
love your enemies. Do good to those who hate you, bless those who curse you, and pray for those who spitefully use you.
Now, it’s possible, you see, that in demonstrating our love and our kindness, even to these, our closest enemies, it’s possible that the Lord may use that as we heap coals of kindness upon their heads. Use that to soften their hearts and to turn their hearts from their evil ways.
- We must remember that the Lord is the righteous judge of all the earth, and he will do that which is right and just. Again, he charges us in Romans 12 saying,
Repay no one evil for evil… Beloved, do not avenge yourselves, but rather give place to wrath, for it is written, vengeance is mine, I will repay, says the Lord.
All evildoers, even evil parents, will be brought to justice before the Lord. We need to trust that the Lord will work that out in His timing.
But as we consider all this, the important thing, though, for each of you, for all of us, is that you must still be responsible for the duty that God has placed upon you in Christ to this commandment of God’s moral law, regardless of the circumstance, regardless of the situation.
Again, unless there’s that one exception, unless you’re commanded to do something in violation of God’s law, give honor.
Because ultimately, you’re giving honor to God.
And therefore, beloved of God, the challenge that before you is that you give honor to those in authority over you, acknowledging that God is the one who sovereignly placed them in these positions.
And it’s your duty to give honor. Because in so doing, you ultimately honor and obey your Heavenly Father, who is the Lord of Lords and the King of Kings, to the glory of God alone.
Closing Prayer
O gracious God and Heavenly Father, we do rejoice and give thanks for your word and this commandment, this important commandment that really is foundational for the rest of the Ten Commandments.
And we will see this going forward, how this is the beginning of loving our neighbors as ourselves. And it begins right at home with our own families, with our own parents, and our own children, and our own brothers and our sisters.
And we just pray, Father, that you would richly bless us and encourage us in these things. That as we pursue to be faithful in obeying this command, that ultimately we’re doing it not to please others not to please those in authority over us. But ultimately it’s because we’re desiring to serve you and to honor you and to glorify you.
And we know that there are those situations where this can be difficult. And there was a trying times of evil and wicked authorities that are over us. We pray that you would give us wisdom and discretion and understanding and give us the grace and the strength to even love our enemies.
So that your name would be lifted up and glorified, not only in our lives, but even in the lives of these enemies of ours.
And so we pray father that in these things, that your name would be exalted and lifted high that all in the praise of your glorious name, the name of the Lord Jesus Christ, we pray. Amen.